Roxanna

amorcito.

roxannnne@aol.com — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 04:28:45 GMT

I don't think I've ever been this happy in my life. Our relationship is like nothing I have ever known and I love it. I love him.

Happy New Year

roxannnne@aol.com — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 07:59:07 GMT

So I'm on my second and last week of my vacay. It's been really relaxing just being able to chill and take it easy. My first semester at CSULB is over and it went quite well. During my break I've been spending a significant amount of time with the bf and it's been really great. I guess I haven't mentioned yet that I have a boyfriend, so here I go, I have a boyfriend these days and I reeeally like him. I genuinely feel good about being with someone. It's almost overwhelming at times because I don't even know what to do with myself. Eee, It's fun!...I hate to be cynical because I'm not, but I still manage to feel nervous at times because I am investing so much on one person, but I have no regrets. Moses is worth it. I never do anything half ass and I'm not going to start now. I'm really looking forward to the new year, focusing on whats really important in my life. I have totally disconnected myself from alot of people and I'm happy about it, but at the same time I can't help feeling some sadness. Anyways, I feel like a completely different person these days, I don't even recognize who I was a few months ago. The worst of times can really bring on the best of changes. I'm still experiencing a rough time in certain aspects of my life, but these times will pass, they always do. I hope for the best for myself, my family and everyone else. Life is amaaaaazing, well I think it can be. Happy New Year.

I don't like to brag, but

roxannnne@aol.com — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 22:17:21 GMT

I'm really happy these days.

Please, please don't mess this up.
I'm talking to you Roxanna.

aye, life.

roxannnne@aol.com — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 03:45:23 GMT

where have I been? I just updated myself reading everyones entries. hello. I guess too many things have gone on since the last time I updated this thing. In fact, I should really be doing my homework and studying for my midterms instead of this, but oh well. Anyway, things have been wayyy interesting. Love my job, my kids I work with are so awesome. Kids in general are amazing. They crack me up when they say things like, "Miss. Roxy, you are so rn'r!" haha and out of no where they'll just tell me they love me. School is good, alot of work, but what else is new. Home life is rocky in the sense I still don't have a roommate to take up my empty room, but my sharing experience has been really nice. I've been really enjoying the company and lately people have been demonstrating that they have my back. Sweet feeling, especially when good friends sometimes feel scarce. I've been re-evaluating alot of stuff and realizing whats really important. I don't see myself caring about pointless things anymore, so things feel alot more simpler even though life just keeps getting more complicated. I guess it's all in the attitude of things. My parents are supposed to get a divorce. I don't feel anything. I'm just worried about my mom and my sister. My dad would be moving back to El Salvador, how sad. Who would want to live there by choice? haha I kid, I've always had sour feelings toward the father, the son, and the holy spirit. Divorce is supposed to be devastating, but I know my mom can take it. Watching her do everything on her own is so empowering. We'll see what happens. I already offered to move back home to help with the mortgage, but I quickly saw myself regretting it. I would totally be lost moving back home. I worked so damn hard for my fucking independence and giving it up would feel like I'm losing my identity. yeah, that's not overly dramatic. I've been eating pretty well lately, I just need to drink less, not less often. just less. haha I've been hanging out with a really awesome guy. It's been sweet. I'm such an odd ball. I don't know how to act sometimes, it's pretty funny. I told myself, "no more scumbags" and I kept my word.

para la marrraaaaaa!

roxannnne@aol.com — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 01:30:26 GMT

If you haven't heard I turned Chola.

bahahahaha, Imagine?

It was really fun dressing up.
We were the only down ass people who dressed up!
Goodtimes, seriously.

new beginnings

roxannnne@aol.com — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 01:15:21 GMT

so today I had my CSULB workshop and I registered for my classes. Surprisingly enough it wasn't crap leftovers. I got to enroll in all the classes I wanted. Yay! I'll be taking: Social Psych, Soc: The Family, Women and their bodies, and Soc of Women. How exciting. You know, I'm the type of person that holds off getting excited about something until that something is about to happen. For example, when I was little and I knew I was going to go to Disneyland in a week or something, I wouldn't get stoked about until we were parking in the Pinocchio lot. I would get so anxious that night, I wouldn't sleep a wink and in the morning I would slowly start getting excited. I don't know why that is, but anyway, the point is, I'm actually excited about starting school in the Fall. Today wasn't bad at all, I feel fine, I'm not nervous. I just need to get my loans settled. I hate that I need to borrow money. I don't like borrowing anything usually, especially money. Ergh, oh well. I've learned that I can't do everything on my own all the time. These loans will definitely be helpful. I have an interview for a T.A position at a school right next to CSULB. That would be good if I got the job. I don't know what the pay is, but the experience would be worth it. On a separate note, most other things have been just as swell. My living situation feels like a summer long slumber party. Danielle and I have already had some really goodtimes and good talks. I feel more solid about who I am these days. I even told the guy I was kinda seeing I didn't want him calling or texting me anymore. I didn't feel comfortable anymore. Whatever, I'll keep having plenty of fun anyway. I'm trying to be less cynical about things and I guess I'll meet someone nice when I start surrounding myself with guys who are less scummy. haha! Life is good.

La Cita was always fun, too bad they got anal about my fake ID. :/

roxannnne@aol.com — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 20:02:46 GMT

I'm on my lunch break at my new job, well I've been working here for 6 weeks now. yep. so yeah. new job, chill job too. I feel very fortunate. I got a new roommate. If you didn't know, Danielle has temporarly moved in with me. so far it's been fun. I forgot how nice it is to have good company all the time. I've also been spending more time with Ashley. She's been in high spirits and I love it. It feels like old times, those great times. I've been having really good weekends, been spending time with a good peak of people. I've been in good spirits myself. No complaints at all. Well, my friends, back to work. Happy 3 day weekend!

hiiii.

so much has gone on, but

roxannnne@aol.com — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 20:03:53 GMT

LIFE IS GOOD.

Hi.

roxannnne@aol.com — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 23:42:45 GMT

yeah.
I can not tolerate being disrespected, anything else I can stand.
I'm disappointed at this moment, but other than that I've been good.
I've been experiencing new things. I don't know, I don't have any expectations.
I'm definitely just trying it on, see if it fits. we'll just have to wait & see.
I'm excited.

This has been an update.

It's my party & I'll cry if I want to.

roxannnne@aol.com — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 22:06:29 GMT

Friday after seeing The Walrus, we went to go drink @ my place & I got incredibly wasted. In the company of my closest friends + 2 others, I broke down. Apparently, I hurt & hate my bangs. hahaha. oh lordy! Anyways, I expressed what I couldn't express sober & I feel relief in a way. My relationship w/the one whom I can consider a best friend was shaken by my outbreak & confessed things to me that made me feel very blessed. I've been depriving my own needs for so long now that I guess it finally took its toll, but at least I am learning that it's okay to have needs. It's okay to ask for help and to not always be capable. I've always made myself seem like this strong person that can handle anything & didn't need anyone, but I think I overwhelmed my stay at thee lonely island. it's true, no man is definitely an island.

Living and learning, it's a wonderful thing.

chchchchanges.

roxannnne@aol.com — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 19:43:25 GMT

Tuesday, March 4, 2008. Withdrawing from emotional situations doesn't necessarily indicate that you aren't willing to feel. It's just that you may believe that your involvement wouldn't necessarily add anything positive to the situation. It's a healthy practice to keep your reactions to yourself from time to time. Stay aware of your feelings, even if you choose not to share them.

yes, thats my horoscope for today. I was never big on horoscopes, but lately they've been really dead on & its strange b/c I feel they have been helpful in some way. I really don't care if horoscopes are bogus, they've helped me stay positive and that's way more important. I just feel like this year is bringing alot of changes, more than usual. I've lost a huge part of my comfortable foundation and at the beginning of this year I felt really betrayed by many. It was like I had this whole picture painted and some bastard just came over and splashed water all over it. Yeah, I can start all over and even paint something new, but I liked the old one. I was comfortable with the old one, it made me happy and somehow things changed w/out warning. If you haven't noticed I'm a sucker for changes & it really is stupid b/c change is the only thing you can count on in life to be constant. so I cut my bangs, so I could feel in control again. It was the one change I could control& now I feel better. maybe.

back to my horoscope, I've been having this itch for a long time now, but I guess it's better if left unscratched.

sweetdreams.

roxannnne@aol.com — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 17:25:39 GMT

It’s been two nights in a row that I wake up around 3 am feeling like I can’t breathe, like my chest is tight, like my limbs are falling asleep. I usually go to sleep early around ten, but like clockwork I wake up suddenly feeling like I’ve just had an anxiety attack in my sleep. I assume it’s around 3 am, but I can’t be sure b/c I am terrified to check the time b/c if it is 3:30, then I freak out. Yeah, random. In addition to this, I’ve been having nightmares where I am stabbing an intruder with scissors as my defense. I don’t know what is going on with my mind. This isn’t new, though. I used to have sleeping problems like 2 years ago & the only thing that kept me sane was talking to Danny in the wee hours of the morning until I feel asleep. He had no idea he was helping me by talking to me. Now I can’t get myself to call someone else so I just watch Sex & the City until I fall asleep. This is really an inconvenience. I really wish I could figure myself out. I may need some help. Whomp!

2/18/08

roxannnne@aol.com — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 00:43:15 GMT

Before I forget, I saw Siouxsie last week.
She was amazing & looked really good!
She's been my favorite for a long time now.
Seeing her was long over due. I'm happy now. :)

"Surely, you can't be serious!"

roxannnne@aol.com — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 00:37:13 GMT

"I am serious."
"And don't call me Shirley!"
hahahahaha.
my favorite line ever.

so this weekend was fun. it started off as another ladies night,
but later on in the night we had new additions. The night
consisted of Tara getting kicked out of Wyman's b/c she told
off the coked out cashier. then we got escorted out of some
lame L.A party. whatevs, we always have more fun driving
around anyhow. we all ended up at my place.

that was Friday night.

Saturday night it rained alot, but I didn't mind b/c I love the rain.
Ashley & I went to a gig. I haven't been to a gig in soooo long!
I prefer it wayyyy more than paying $5 to stand in someones backyard
listening to techno or whatever you wanna call it.

Anyway, it was a good weekend.
Although, I still don't feel at peace w/a certain someone.
I want to say what I feel, but I guess I'll say it when the
time is right. If they even care enough to listen. errg.

welcome back.

roxannnne@aol.com — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 17:08:42 GMT

I'm back!
I mean, I feel like myself again.
& it feels good.

the slump is over!
thank God.

no man is an island.

roxannnne@aol.com — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 19:03:29 GMT

Hi, I'm nuts, nice to meeet you.
yeah, I've been a mess lately.
I don't know what's the matter w/me.

that's all.

n/a.

roxannnne@aol.com — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 19:48:46 GMT

uh, I hate to sound so naive, but I like to think that people
have more good in them then they like to express, show,
or whatever. yeah, but now that I think about it, I'm not
sure if I just think that way for my own securities or because
I genuinely believe that people are good. seriously, I want
to believe it, but some people just ruin it for everyone.

fuck.
you, guys can be real scumbags sometimes.
& I would like to bring that to your attention.

pg 125

roxannnne@aol.com — Thu, 27 Dec 2007 19:15:25 GMT

slowly I'm learning that
"too often, hope is just postponed disappointment."

oh well.
que sera sera.

Tuesday at apt B2.

roxannnne@aol.com — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 18:20:45 GMT

last night was really fun. seriously, I haven't laughed that hard
in a long time. :D "my teacher's dumb!" bahahahaha! oh man,
between slow dancing, singing Phil Collins, Ana kicking her leg
up& saying "Don't let me down" every 5 minutes, everything was
really funny. I also bonded w/a new friend, I was told many nice
things & I felt very supported. my friends always make my day.

another thing, I always surprise& annoy myself.
no matter how many drinks or whatever I've had
I still manage to be responsible. I know I'm not
your mama, but I care about you& I love you.
I know, how annoying of me. :/

goodtimes.

happiness.

roxannnne@aol.com — Wed, 12 Dec 2007 19:22:03 GMT

I have to say this week has started off really good.
I don't know why, but lately I've been feeling stress free
& accomplished. Even though, I should be worrying about
my roomie situation. I'm really not letting it get to me.
I think I'm going to keep the room to myself until I find the
perfect person to replace Vanessa. I'm kinda excited to know
I'm going to have my own room, but I'm not excited about
being broke! :p

I sent in my transcripts& I enrolled for next semester.
I'm taking 5 classes! fuck, I don't know how I'm going to do it,
but I'll figure it out. I'm going to take Bio& I'm dreading it!
its going to be my last semester at lbcc.

I've also been reading this book Leo gave& its really funny.
its called "10 stupid things women do to mess up their lives."
& I'm surprised I'm actually reading it b/c I'm not much of a
reader. its just funny seeing myself in some of the situations.

I'm just feeling good about alot of things and I hope it lasts.
next week is my last week of school& I'm actually considering
asking this cute guy from my class out for coffee or something.
I don't even drink coffee, but whatever. haha. he has the cutest
glasses. I'm nervous. hahaha. how lame. wish me luck!

another birthday entry.

roxannnne@aol.com — Mon, 26 Nov 2007 19:12:11 GMT

so I decided to have a kickback @ my place for my birthday
on Wednesday night since no one had work or school the next
day. It was a really fun& random night! I got pretty drunk.
the night consisted of drinks, cake, watching the good parts
in American History X, Welcome to the Dollhouse, Blow, um
more drinks, lots of pictures, slow dancing, girl talk, wrestling,
stealing a bottle, getting arrested. hahaha fun fun fun!

Everything I did for my birthday this year was sooo rad, man.

seeeee.

Hi, I'm shiny! hahahaha.
the cakes were soooo good!

Rigo bought me a bottle& juice.
what a sweetie.

Joe& Elianny hit it off that night.

& I slow danced w/my BB, Ana.

all the girls hung out in the room for awhile for girl talk. hahahha.

drunk.drunk.drunk.
Gonzalo told me that I looked like I was going jogging. hahaha.

&Jorge wouldn't go joggin w/me!

I don't know what happened, but Joe& Frankie decided to wrestle. (?)

Ashley, Joe,& Danny& I decided to go on a beer run.
man, was that a bad idea.
hahahaha.

anyway.
I hope everyone had as much fun as I did.

midori birthday.

roxannnne@aol.com — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 19:15:34 GMT

I had an awesome birthday w/all my friends. seriously, I am so thankful for each & every one of them.
I was just so happy that we could all get together. I had alot of fun! Thank you!

& for those who couldn't make it, thank you for your calls! :D

so we all met up @ Midori.

I guess they were all trying to look like asianzz. haha.
Joe's face! bahahahahha!

Art's in the back, but he's too brown for you to see. hahahah. :P
keeeeeeeding.

then we all went to my place to cut my two cakes.

Chupi, Danny & Dannee came by too.

haha, we look like a bunch of fleas!
PIOJITOS!

YA QUEREMOS PASTEL!

Tara& Ashley made me one of the cakes.
& Vanessa bought me the other one.
it said "Happy Birthday Foxy Roxy! " :D

right after I blew the candles, my rosary broke!
all randomly! I don't think that was a good sign.
we all freaked out & prayed. haha.

Ana was the instigator of all this.
she called midori& got everyone together. :D
soooo nice.

I love my friends.
thanks everyone.
I had a 'HELLA SIQ' BIRTHDAY.
haha.

Happy Birthday to me.

roxannnne@aol.com — Mon, 19 Nov 2007 17:37:09 GMT

yesterday I celebrated my birthday w/my family.
I turn 20 on November 20, how exciting.
anyway, it was a nice family get together.
& I ate soooo much!

I love my family& friends.

My birthday hat.

my birthday cake, which happens to be Little Mermaid.
I loved the Little Mermaid when I was little, well I still do. :D

myyyyyfamilyyyy! Ilyyyyyy!

my parentals!
my dad has his eyes closed, hahaha.

Ashley!

we took pictures in my empty pool.
& we played pacman& some other games.
Ashley surprised us w/her pacman skillz. ;)
& then we ate again. hahaha.

Joe came over too.
overall I had a good time.
<3

family first.

roxannnne@aol.com — Wed, 07 Nov 2007 19:43:50 GMT

I am seriously just amazed how much things have changed
between my parents & I. this weekend my mom told me things
that made me feel calmness. my mom really trusts & respects
me & my decisions & it feels really good.

Last week I took my dad out for his b-day. I took him to Midori
for sushi, then to Pinkberry for dessert. I wore a dress to impress
& I drove & paid for everything! I was seriously out to convince
him that he should be proud of me. My dad is just really hard to
impress b/c he doesn't know how to show appreciation or any
feelings for that matter. Either way, I had a good time & thats
weird n' rare, but it was really important to me.
It's been a long time, dad.

this weekend, I went to Bakersfield b/c my kids (cousins) Liam,
Lucas & Elena got baptized. Those kids are so smart & I love
them so much. It's crazy how much kids make me happy, I love
being around them b/c they're so full of life & happiness.

This is Elena.

Elena, my sweet.

EDIT: oh yeah, & I got a new tattoo! I love love love it. :]

halloween.

roxannnne@aol.com — Mon, 29 Oct 2007 22:14:45 GMT

halloween weekend was awesome.
um, I'll just post some pictures so
you can see for your self.

I wish I could be Amy Winehouse everyday. :D

Friday: we went to that graveyard shift thingy.
I went w/Tara& her b/f Joe.
Joe drew my tattoos& did a mighty fine job.

Eric& Jorge were both cholos.

I wish I would have taken more pictures this night.
oh well.

Saturday was Adriana's b-day so I hung out w/my family.
then later I got home& dressed up again.
this time Jorge did my tattoos.
fuck, they were huuuuuge.

we drove around alot Saturday night, but I'm glad we were in a big group b/c we still had fun.
Ana was fucking Frida! I loved it.

I don't know why this is soo dark!

Sal looked so good!
& Danny was Amish, like always.
haha.

I don't think the bathroom had enough toilet paper!

mahhh fruity pebbles. :D